wreckless

Last night, driving home, I had such a strong urge to keep driving...south, west, wherever the road would take me. Recently I have felt the need to apologize for my spontaneity, lack of direction and all together unorganized nature. Yes, my mind is all over the place, yes I can't remember what i did yesterday or the day before, yes i forget things... a lot, yes I am clumsy and forgetful and bruise myself a lot. But you know what? I am done fighting it. Trying to fit someone else's mold. I have not been true to myself. I love not knowing which direction my life is going to take. I love how words fly out my mouth before I think. I love how i look like a fool sometimes, smiling when it rains, or taking a moment to watch the birds play and sing in puddles. Why have I been suppressing who I am at my core? To please others? Yeah well that has made me feel like my soul, my being is being crushed and smothered. The unorganized, clumsy, forgetful, spastic, spontaneous Morgan has slowly been forced to hush and obey and act how others think she should act. I'm over it. Life is too goddamn short to suppress your true being. Seriously. Way too short. I want to live every second full of emotion and passion and spontaneity and if that means chaos, then I accept.


all images via: wehearit.com

his music seeps into my bone marrow

I have been listening a lot to Beethoven recently. His music.... there are no words to truly describe it. But then best I can do is explain that his music seeps through me deep into my bone marrow. It moves me and makes me feel utterly human. Completely vulnerable and full of love and passion and frustration. The fact that he went deaf and couldn't even listen to the absolutely beautiful pieces of music he composed is completely heartbreaking and strangely beautiful at the same time. Even though he could not hear, he continued to play and compose beautiful music. It seems so sad that out of anyone, he should be the one to be able to listen to his own music but he couldn't. Instead it became a gift to others.

He would, without a doubt, be on my list of the ten people, living or dead, that I would invite to my dinner. The fact that his music compositions played by others melts me from the inside out is enough. But to be able to sit next to the original composer and listen to him play his own piece of music. I might just die. Others on my list would include Zooey Deschanel, Ellen Page and Michael Cera. I'm still working on the others.


In other good news, Nathan is coming this Thursday! 3 more days! and to top that off... the snow is finally melting and we have switched from snow to rain. I will take rain over snow any day at this point. I am snowed out. I love spring time rain. It is so nice in fact that i decided to skip the winter coat this morning and go for a light cardigan and a vintage scarf. I just hope I haven't spoken too soon. I can't take much more of this cold weather we have been having.

"Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy."

"Music is mediator between spiritual and sensual life."

"Music is the wine which inspires one to generative new processes, and I am Bacchus who presses out this glorious wine for mankind and makes them spiritually drunken."

"Tones sound, and roar and storm about me until I have set them down in notes."

"What you are, you are by accident of birth; what I am, I am by myself. There are and will be a thousand princes; there is only one Beethoven."

-Ludwig Van Beethoven

snowwwwww

I felt like this little squirrel walking to class this morning

mmmm blankets

Seriously?? More snow? Is this a joke? I mean its pretty and all but not so much fun to walk in (or I should say attempt to walk in.) As I walked to class this morning I slid all over the place while the news crew filmed me. I'm sure they were very amused at my attempts. I show up to work and for a second my boss thinks I am wearing a white coat, but no, it was just my gray wool coat covered in snow. I can't believe school has not been canceled yet. It's President's Day anyways.... why the hell do we even have classes to begin with?! I'm giving it two more hours and classes will definitely be called off. Then hopefully I can enjoy a snow day with the lovely Victoria!

Today is mine and Vanya's 6 month. It coincides pretty well with Valentine's day! My Valentine's Day present was this beautiful 5 foot tall majesty palm. I absolutely love it. I put it next to my bed so every morning when I wake up I can imagine for at least 10 seconds that I am somewhere warm in a forest and not in cold and dreary Cincinnati.

I cannot wait for spring. I want hiking and campfires and laying out under the stars. I feel like I am living in the North Pole. I will try and take some pictures soon so everyone that does not live in Cincinnati can understand what we are going through.

In the meantime I am going to cuddle up under the blankets with some hot chocolate and some magazines and watch a movie with Victoria.

“Sunshine cannot bleach the snow, Nor time unmake what poets know.”

-Emerson

all images via: weheartit.com

You don't have basil you don't have pasta

wish I was her.

and her

inspired to write

so true

Inspired to write more, I have decided to start posting some of my little stories and essays on here. Disclaimer: I am by no means a great writer not do I pretend to be. It is just something fun for me. Something to channel my creative tendencies. So here is my first one.


Short story based on true events.


You Don’t Have Basil You Don’t Have Pasta

I find myself sitting on this bus, traveling the endless streets of Vancouver with my three best friends. The only other occupants of the barren bus are a rather sloppy-looking homeless man and an intimidating businessman. The vagabond, with his large trash bag full of clothes and collected memories, babbles on to himself in his drunken state of oblivion, hoping to find solace in his distant memories of a better time. The businessman, in his black suit and shiny shoes, tries his hardest to ignore the whispers of the old man.

Suddenly a large group of passengers boards the bus and quickly take to their seats. Last to board the now-bulging bus is a rather intoxicated man in his twenties. Although the man sways with drunken stupor, he is not the typical drunk you see on the streets of Vancouver late at night. This man is dressed nicely, looking as if he has places to go; as if someone is expecting him. Smiling and swaying, he makes his way to the back of the bus, standing because there’s no room. I watch him with curiosity as he begins to laugh to himself. I can’t help but to smile at the state of this guy. As I look around the rest of the bus I find a very unaccepting audience. The middle-aged woman sitting next to me peers out from behind her business section of the daily newspaper to flash a frown at the intoxicated man. The tourists stare uncomfortably out of the windows, attempting to magically blend into their seats. I turn back to the intoxicated man and stare him straight in the eyes. He smiles back, responding “You don’t have basil, you don’t have pasta,” in his thick and unmistakable Canadian accent. What this means, I have no clue, but that is of no importance. Amused, I bring myself back to reality for a second to find a sea of somber faces staring back at us. It saddens me to think that all of these people, these pre-programmed robots, are all searching for happiness when it is right in front of them. How do they not realize that happiness is not an it, or a thing that you can obtain?

The bus comes to a halt, and I return to my senses, I find the young Canadian swaying in circles around one of the metal handrails like a child. He turns, smiles and winks, and then makes his way to the exit. He pushes his way through the robots, yelling to the bus driver, “Let me off! Let me off! I don’t belong here!” and then stumbles to the street. I feel the corners up my lips start to turn up as I look to my friends. I make a note to myself to never become one of these pre-programmed robots.


I look back upon that day as a marker in the start of my new life, and I want to thank that nameless, drunken Canadian man for impacting me so greatly.



all images via: weheartit.com

snowflakes and daydreams

nothing like sleep on a frigid day

nothing like sleep in a comfy bed on a frigid day

our back yard

the kitties chatting about the snow

Tons and tons of snow. So much snow, I don't know what to do with myself. Because of the snow classes were called off today. I got to spend a whole day sledding with my sister and her friend and Vanya. Then came back for hot chocolate and grilled cheese. I am definitely ready for the commencement of Spring but if it is going to be cold, I don't mind having the pretty snow to look at. I can't wait until it starts to warm up though and I can start going hiking. I miss the smell and sounds of nature.
It's days like these make make me remember to take life easy and to remember to appreciate every day. I used to really make an effort to appreciate every day but recently I have been so concerned with all of the drama the past few weeks that I seemed to have forgotten one of my biggest mottos in life. I am going to consciously make an effort to appreciate every day. You know?! Every day is a gift. It is not something that we should expect or take for granted. Every day that I wake up breathing and have those I love around to support me is a good day. If my day is filled with tests or stress, or a job I don't want to do, I really need to make an effort to still fill my day with positive thoughts and attitudes. There is no way that we can go back and relive the past. It would be a shame to look back and regret not appreciating things. Because the fact is that every heartbeat is a true miracle.
So here I am. Picking myself out of the dust. These past few weeks have been crazy but I feel that things are turning around. I guess it is all about perspective. Lessons in life aren't always easy.

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
-Anne of Green Gables

Vida Loca

Wow I can't believe that it has been almost 3 weeks since I have posted anything. Soo many things have been happening recently that were so overwhelming that I could barely get by from day to day, let alone have time or want to blog about it. That being said, I hate that I have been neglecting the blog. Please forgive me little blog of mine.



Okay so I do not really feel like writing an extremely long entry about the insanity that has been my life recently. So I will do my best to summarize.

My life in the last 3 weeks:


* Vanya almost got sent back to Australia. I completely lost it and couldn't even pick myself up out of bed. The thought that he would be on the other side of the planet, too far to touch or hug or kiss was too much for me to bear. But by some miracle he was able to stay. And I have been so greatful for that. I just appreciate every moment I have with him. It was scary but I am glad that ordeal is over.


*As a result of the stress from Vanya almost leaving and the fact that some big changes are happening in my life (graduating and growing up and such) I started having mini panic attacks. Those, thankfully, have subsided.


* I decided that I did not want to teach anymore but then I was left with the age old question: what do I want to do with my life??? Many ideas came to me but many proved more difficult than I thought. I looked into becoming an art teacher, only to find out that such an adventure would require three more years of schooling. And then I realized... I don't even really want to teach. So then I thought about massage school. Yeah.... well I'm sure my parents would love that idea. That's one of the many reasons why I never followed through with it. Although now I have reps from different massage schools calling me nonstop trying to set up meetings with me. Obviously they haven't got the message that I no longer want to speak with them. Finally, I decided that it is not that I dislike Spanish.... I have been taking it for 8 or 9 years now. It is just that I don't want to break it down grammatically and teach it to a whole bunch of students who don't want to learn. I know I would be one of those teachers that becomes so stressed out that they would be strung out on anxiety meds and yelling at the students all the time. Call me pessimistic but that's not what I envision for myself. So I have decided to declare a double major in Education with a concentration in Spanish and another major in Spanish. I will still graduate on time in June and then I will go back in the fall and get my Masters in Spanish (which will only take a year!) Then hopefully I can get into the business related field in Spanish.



so all of that craziness has been going on in the psat 3 or 4 weeks. I have been running around like a mad person with no sense of direction. It feels good to finally have some sort of direction in my life. At least for now that is. The thing is, I know that life is unpredictable, especially with a person like me who is constantly changing her mind. And i realized, that it is not a bad thing to be that way. I think it is so important to constantly be reevaluating your goals in life. It makes for a crazy eventful life, full of many ups and downs but I am willing to take the plunge if it means happiness in the long run.


well that is it for now.
I promise to post more often.


images via: weheartit.com